February 22nd, 2018
I’m currently surviving on one-hour sleep, and a super strong shot of Italian morning espresso. Just from an article I read two days ago, it appears to me that creative minds and thoughts do need some relax / stimulations to happen. The writing spirit in me appears usually when I’m in extreme despair, or utter tiredness. Although I’m extremely sleepy right now, the emotions and thoughts in my head are getting overwhelming and I think it’s time to start sharing them.
So, I’m stepping into the end of my third week in Italy and there are literally soooooo many things and stories I want to share with my friends and family. Italy was long ago a dream destination of mine, I was highly attracted by the sun and amazing sceneries I’ve seen from different sources online. I don’t exactly remember when the decision to come to Italy came clear in my head, but looking back now from just being three weeks here, I am so grateful and extremely happy that I had the guts to do this. I just knew I needed some time off to myself, doing my own thing, discovering myself again. I knew I had to do it, and Italy would be the best place for it because of the long list of cities I had on my bucket list.
I came with an expectation of self-discovery, a journey of healing, and a way to finding back the happy soul I once had. The first part of my 2017 was very tough, to say the least. I’d gone to sleep in tears for nights I couldn’t keep count of, stayed up all night struggling to fall asleep just running through all the wrongs and bad that have led me to where I was. Lyrics in sad songs amplified in my ears and resonated with me too much that it always brought tears to my eyes. I was struggling to be grateful and be happy from the bottom of my heart. I hated all those dark days where I lost faith in my self-worth, and I hated how the cycle just kept going and going. I struggled to find the light at the end of the tunnel even though I know my progress every day was bringing me tiny steps closer to it. I needed a change, I needed something to make me feel alive and happy again.
I supposed the wound had its’ final cover-up from KA’s words. He couldn’t stand how I was still in that shit hole after such a long period of time. His words shook me and made me even more determined that this journey was exactly what needs to happen, for me to heal, for me to be full and complete again.
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